


DOES NOT COM-PUTE

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack, M/M, Robotics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-02
Updated: 2009-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:16:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after the season 2 finale<br/>Charlie fans and N/C fans.... Well just go ahead and hate me, I deserve it.<br/>Warnings: sex talk and robotics</p>
            </blockquote>





	DOES NOT COM-PUTE

Nathan was asleep when the phone rang, he answered it.  
It was one of the doctors, he wanted to talk to him about Charles. He asked if he could meet them as soon as possible.  
Nathan hung up, confused, but headed straight to the hospital. There he was greeted by a small, serious looking doctor, “Mr. Explosion, thank you for coming so quickly. There are some things we need to discuss. Please step into my office.”

It was a nice office, if you were into that sort of thing. Books, plants, even a window. The doctor tented his fingers, looking professional. “The good news is, we have managed to save Mr. Ofdensen. He was very badly injured, but our highly skilled robotics team has replaced all his damaged parts with superior cyborg parts. Do you understand me so far?”  
“So he’s like, a robot? For real?”  
“Well, the term is cyborg, but basically yes. But from what I’ve heard, he was pretty much a robot already, so it shouldn’t matter much.”

Nathan seemed to be processing this. “So uh, does he look different?”  
“Yes he does, but we can cover the robotics with artificial skin in the future.”  
“Oh. Um, that’s good. I guess. Anything else?”  
“Yes actually. It seems that when we wired him, we somehow messed up his ability to edit his thoughts, so he pretty much just says whatever he thinks now.”  
“And this is bad?”  
“I’ll let you be the judge of that. Follow me please.”

The doctor led him through the corridors, finally coming to a very secure room. The doctor needed a key card, thumb print, and iris scan just to enter. Fortunately, he had all of those with him. They entered.

And there on the bed lay Charles, looking vaguely like the Terminator after things started going badly for him. Nathan cautiously approached.  
“Um, hi Charles. I came to visit you.”  
“HEL-LO. NATH-AN. PLEASE. FUCK. ME. NOW.”  
Nathan stared at the doctor, shocked. Seriously, what the fuck?  
“Oh man, he sounds like a real robot now. Brutal.”  
“He is just saying what he thinks. This is why we asked you to come here, it appears that he has some sort of romantic feelings for you. Were you aware of this?”  
“Uh, no.”

The Charlie-bot was wide awake now.  
“NATH-AN. COME. HERE.”  
The doctor nodded. “I’ll leave you two to discuss this.” His version of “leaving” was apparently to go stand in the corner. Strange little guy.  
Nathan sat on the edge of the bed, studying the thing in front of him. Parts were definitely still Charles, but there was so much metal. It was a lot to take in.

One eye was normal, the other looked a bit like Knubbler’s. Instead of a regular mouth, it had a small shiny speaker. One arm and hand were metal now, and the strange contours of the sheet hinted at even more metal further down.  
That was odd, Nathan knew full well the extent of Charles’s injuries, and there was a lot more metal than seemed necessary.

“PLEASE. FUCK. ME. NATH-AN.”  
“Damn, I uh.... I didn’t know you liked me, Charles.”  
“FOR. A. LONG. TIME. LET’S. HAVE. SEX. NOW.”  
Apparently deciding to make it’s move, the Charlie-bot threw off the sheet, reaching for Nathan.  
Nathan, seeing what was under the sheet, freaked out. That was _so_ not right. 

“NATH-AN. I. NEED. YOU. LET’S FUCK.”  
Well... but how? There was _nothing_ there, just smooth, shiny metal.  
“Damn Charles.... couldn’t you have, um, mentioned this when you like, still had orifices?”  
“DOES. NOT. COM-PUTE.”  
And besides, all his injuries had been above the waist, so what the _fuck_ was this shit?  
Nathan strode over to the doctor and grabbed him, holding him against the wall at eye level.  
The little doctor looked terrified.

“I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!!”  
The doctor squirmed in his grasp. “Well.... you see.... Okay, I admit we got a little carried away. But he’s all new and improved now!”  
Nathan flung him across the room, where he crashed into some equipment and slid to the floor in a bleeding pile. Oops, the doctor was broken.  
Nathan turned back to the Charlie-bot, but it was gone.

 

Nathan sat up in bed.  
It was a dream, it was just a dream.  
Wasn’t it?  
It had just been so real, he had to make sure. He fumbled for his dethphone, knocking it to the floor. Rolling over and retrieving it, he punched in the manager’s number.  
It rang.

Charles, who had been watching this whole thing on his highly experimental top secret dream monitoring projector, couldn’t resist. He _knew_ he shouldn’t do it, he _knew_ it was all kinds of wrong, but he just couldn’t pass up this chance. So, suppressing his snickering (which hurt his still-healing ribs anyway), he answered the phone in a flat voice, “HEL-LO. NATH-AN.”

Nathan’s scream woke up the rest of the Haus.


End file.
